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By Kathryn Whitaker | Guest Columnist
If you aren’t already feeling the squeeze of fall activities, I’m sure it’s coming. But, do you wish your calendar looked different?
Not that long ago, we were a slave to our calendars. It sometimes happens when you’re mothering six children, kindergarten to college. There were just so many good choices. Should we attend this birthday party, this Eagle Scout honor court, this band concert, this soccer tournament, this parish mission, this neighborhood cookout, this, this, this?
How could we possibly choose between them all? So we said yes to everything and then huffed and puffed our way through the traffic, the late nights of homework, the messy house and empty bank account. Our validation for saying yes came from everywhere. All our friends were equally busy, slogging through their own set of calendar to-dos. Then we all gathered to drink libations on Friday night to lament just how bananas life was with kids. Well, we talked about getting together on the weekends to share how busy we were, but we were too busy to get together. We just resorted to complaining on social media. Crazy craves company, after all.
Here’s the spoiler alert: that doesn’t have to be your life. You can have a full life by doing less.
I know you’re thinking “but you don’t know my life.” The select soccer team is necessary to your fifth grader because she wants to play college sports. The three-day-a-week music lessons are a must if your son wants to make it in the music business. The five AP classes and dual-credit enrollment at the community college have to happen or your daughter will never get into her dream college. The 10 birthday parties you attend are because you don’t want your second grader to be socially ostracized. The library read-aloud, the organized playgroup, and the gym classes are required for your toddler to meet social, mental and physical milestones or he will always be behind.
Did I strike a nerve? Good.
This desire to be more, achieve more and do more could stand a gut check.
Our home may not be a Benedictine monastery, but there’s some wisdom to be taken from those monks and their mantra of Otium Sanctum, “holy leisure.” Or, in the context of life as a 21st century parent, a place for rest within your soul.
I’m certainly not advocating that we shutter our doors, demand silence and pull our kids out of every available activity, all while joining hands and chanting evening vespers. I am, however, imploring all families to take a good, hard, long look at our calendars and start making some intentional decisions about the direction and mission of our families.
What in the world do we want from this life? Do we want children who are capable, kind, empathetic, faithful and generous? Then we must give them time to develop those skills rather than jamming all the extracurricular activities into every minute of their day. It starts at our dining room tables; that’s where encounter happens.
We can ask ourselves questions like:- Is this activity necessary?
- Do we feel pressured (real or perceived) to sign up for this and how does it positively or negatively impact our family?
- Is this a salvation issue or is this just us being overly invested in something that doesn’t matter in the long-term?
I know that what I’m asking is countercultural. I recognize that it is hard to say no, especially to good things. Do it anyway.
Our inner peace, our children’s souls, and our relationship with Christ are at stake. I think those are all things worth saying yes to.
Kathryn Whitaker and her husband Scott have six children and reside in Austin. They are members of St. Vincent de Paul Parish. She recently released her debut book with Ave Maria Press, “Live Big, Love Bigger.”